Lingering Thoughts

There is an atmosphere in the air now that I can't seem to put my finger on. Death is surrounded by a gloomy, unspeakable emotion, that for the life of me, can't be transformed to words. To put it into perspective, I was blessed to grow up around grandparents who were significantly younger than average - the concept of death has never crossed my path, let alone the paralysis of emotion closely accompanied by it. If I were to be honest with you, I would also need to tell you that despite the gloom that persists, none of it has hit me yet - with the exception of the the guilt that forms to every genuine smile on my face. I can't tell you what it is like to go through this, for I do not know yet. I can only speak of the lingering thoughts that pass through me consciously, waiting for a familiar jolt to form in me, as inspiration steals my soul. 

I have fallen in love with my life; most days, I am thrilled to awake beneath the pure white sheets that warm my skin in the midst of the breezes that dance their way up to the third floor. I am thrilled to converse with the people who surround me and I can easily become passionate to topics pertaining to philosophy, relationships, and the concept of balance. I know what it feels like to appreciate education, and I sincerely light up with happiness when the kids I work with reveal a sparkle of joy and excitement in their eyes. I feel a sense of fulfillment from being with immediate family, and the wagging tails of the dogs that live here never fail to overjoy me. I find myself anticipating all that is to come as I transform into the best possible me. 

Nobody is built a flawlessly constructed path free of uphill ramps and downhill ramps, and all of the cracks in between that seem to shake you up a bit. What I'm learning more profoundly each day is that self-love breeds in you a substance that is both irreplaceable and infinite - and something so powerful never goes unnoticed by the Universe. If you are reading this, I hope that you are smiling - you are great. You are unique. You are irreplaceable. You are loved.